Assertion: Pre-Approved for Platinum by Frank Gannon

Frank Gannon's article on credit cards and debt is loaded with sarcasm and mockery towards the "exclusiveness" of credit card companies. Gannon narrates as a credit card company employee who is sucking up to the reader by complimenting his/her specialties and making them feel special. He really exaggerates the "exclusiveness" of the reader by talking about how the company sat around for days looking for a person worthy of a Platinum card. At one time or another, we have all received the letter/phone call/email that begs us to open an account and fall into tragic debt. As if we were desperately stupid, the companies try to make us feel worthy of a Platinum card by "personally signing" the letters and verbally assaulting us after we make up a brilliant excuse to get away from them: "Uh, sorry i can't talk right now, I'm being eaten by a rabid dog."
Then Gannon goes as far as to compare the Platinum members to people who have "huge bulky wallets with stuff sticking out". To the credit card companies, dumb people such as these will never be worth of such status for they can't even remember to pay for items when they shop! The style of writing used is casual and contains some slang, which adds to the sarcastic feel of the letter. Finally, the humor Gannon uses helps prove the point that these companies care for nothing but themselves and the money they steal from you.