Assertion: New Year’s Resolutions, Seven Months Later by Andy Borowitz

http://www.newyorker.com/archive/2004/08/09/040809sh_shouts

It isn't until the last few sentences of this article that I understand the humor behind the author's broken resolutions. He sets goals for himself such as to quit smoking, to lose thirty pounds, to be nicer to his co-workers, and to "Stop Sneaking Up Behind People and Poking Them with a Sharp Wooden Stick". This last resolution seemed strange to me, until i realized it had no deeper meaning. The author simply does this for the joy of annoying other people. His other resolutions have valid reasoning behind them (health, positivity, attitude, reputation, etc), but this last resolution really shouldn't be a resolution at all. If the author is going to have to suffer through 12 months without junk food, cigarettes, and the enjoyment of pissing off his co-workers, doesn't he at least deserve a little fun? So please Mr. Borowitz, put down the cigarette and adjust the concealed wooden stick under your jacket so your friends never know what hit them.