Okay, I know what you are thinking. Why should I listen to anything that a dog has to say? All they do is dig holes, eat and sleep. Now these scornful kinds of remarks really peel my potato. I mean, what do we do that is so horrible that we should receive such remarks as those? We allow you to rub our heads when you are in need of comfort. We let you pick us up (although you clearly do not know the proper way to do so). We do not comment on our owner’s obvious lack of cleanliness. We do not even complain (okay, rarely) about the do-not-feel-like-eating-these-scraps-so-I-think-I-will-give-them-to-the-dog stuff you give us and call it “dinner.”
While we are on the subject of food, I would just like to say that I was immensely surprised and more than a little disgusted when I woke up today to find Ann cooking a Gaines burger on the stove. First of all, Ann should have known that nothing she did to the burger would have made it taste good. It is dog food for crying out loud. It is nothing like the delicious morsels she critiques for her column. If I were in her position, I would not waste my time sampling things given to my pet when I had things like manicotti and shrimp to eat instead. Secondly, I do not appreciate her tasting the food she gives me daily and practically hyperventilating when (surprise, surprise) it does not taste good. I am actually kind of glad she tried the toxic waste they call dog food. Now she knows that when I eat really fast and make a mess, it is because I just really want to get eating the sludge over with, while eating as little as possible. After experiencing the horrors of dog food, maybe now Ann will start feeding me the lovely foods she so callously taunts me with at dinner time.
While we are on the subject of food, I would just like to say that I was immensely surprised and more than a little disgusted when I woke up today to find Ann cooking a Gaines burger on the stove. First of all, Ann should have known that nothing she did to the burger would have made it taste good. It is dog food for crying out loud. It is nothing like the delicious morsels she critiques for her column. If I were in her position, I would not waste my time sampling things given to my pet when I had things like manicotti and shrimp to eat instead. Secondly, I do not appreciate her tasting the food she gives me daily and practically hyperventilating when (surprise, surprise) it does not taste good. I am actually kind of glad she tried the toxic waste they call dog food. Now she knows that when I eat really fast and make a mess, it is because I just really want to get eating the sludge over with, while eating as little as possible. After experiencing the horrors of dog food, maybe now Ann will start feeding me the lovely foods she so callously taunts me with at dinner time.
Hodgman, Ann. The Norton Sampler. 6th ed. W. W. Norton & Company: New York, 2003. Print.
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